A Choice Between Working and Being a 24/7 Mom

There was a point in our lives when hubby asked that when we got kids, I will be the one to take care of them and he will be the one who w...

There was a point in our lives when hubby asked that when we got kids, I will be the one to take care of them and he will be the one who will provide. That's when I decided to quit my job as a Data Technician and prepare myself if I can really do what he wants. I brave out the "working at home" scenario with internet bills to pay and additional electricity consumption since I have to be working with a laptop. For the first few months, I felt like giving up. Hindi ko kaya ang ganito. Sanay ako na lumalabas ako. Although the sanity of working at night without noise and all is relieving. 


Then came the wedding and pregnancy, I was advised not to be exposed with computers as it might affect the development of our baby. Contrary, I've seen some of my friends who have healthy kids inspite of working at home and just rest a week before their delivery, I didn't obey. I worked without telling my inlaws. I have to earn much money before the baby comes out. I have to do this. I don't know what will happen after giving birth. 

I took my vacation a week before my due date. My boss gave me an incentive, a bonus for my delivery and also told me that if I decided to take work again, just tell him. So he gave me an "indefinite leave" instead of ending the contract. 

When I gave birth to Isobelle, little did I know that having a CS and taking turns to manage chores and taking care of the baby is already exhausting. I have high hopes that I will be working sometime soon but the schedule wasn't really fit. Days, week and months passed and I wasn't able to comply so I send a message to my former boss that I am thankful for his understanding that he allow me to recover and think a million times if I will get back or not for good. It wasn't an easy decision for my position. It was indeed one of the toughest decision my husband and I made and vow to respect whatever other people will say about the situation. 

No matter how much I like to work again, I just couldn't. Besides, it made us realize that it is a perfect sign since Isobelle was diagnosed with Globally Delay disability. So I have to focus taking care of her, molding her and helping her out with her needs before it will be too late for us to make amends.

Three years ago, I tried working again but it only lasted for a week training and orientation and a month of actual work so that I can get my first salary and the training allowance. I didn't have someone to look after Isobelle. My mom cannot handle it all alone, plus the graveyard shift will also be implemented for the following month. I quit, in fact, AWOL. I gave up. My emotions over the fact that I cannot do it this time made me ask questions and I got saddened. I also thought I was going through a Post Partum Depression (PPD) because motherhood for me that time is already tiresome. I outburst my anger towards Isobelle and my husband. I got anxious with my personal appearance. I got mood swings from time to time. I was indenial. I was overwhelmed with stress and stressful people saying things that doesn't encourage me to try harder. I lost myself in the process.

It took me so much faith and prayers to ask for light and be forgiving. I asked for too much that God still answered. I manage to survive. I decided to take the leap of faith to move out of our parental house. That was when my bond to my daughter started to ignite. That was when I saw the sign that God designed me for this calling, to be a MOM. To be the best MOM that I can be to Isobelle. And my marriage is blossoming more than I can ever imagine. 

Until I got back to working at home again. It was rewarding. To be able to do both, one step at a time. It was fulfilling now that I can do the things I ought to do because I patiently waited for the right timing. It was glorifying for myself to be able to express again my thoughts and skills to do the job I love. 

And from this day on, I will keep moving forward. Allowing God to be my guide, my husband and daughter to be my inspiration.

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